[delete as appropriate]

I am writing to remind you that I am there for you, and I have been doing all I can to support. I am forced to write this in response to the latest request from you for us to

I do not mind supporting you in the normal reasonable things, but this latest request goes too far. May I remind you that I am not a supremely wealthy man, or one endowed with the patience of the Prophets, or one that can be in more than one place at a time.
May I also, kindly remind you that

I am a simple man, with simple needs. I have studied what life is about, and learnt its lessons through a series of failures.. At the risk of sounding patronising, I will relate to you Maslows hierarchy of needs, namely, your phsyiological needs, your safety, your self esteem, your need to be loved, and self actualistation…

I vow to provide these to you willingly, freely, and with no condition. I also vow to tidy up behind me, to keep myself well groomed, and to wear clean clothes and not smell of bad things. The balding, the going grey, the wrinkling and the sagging I can do nothing about.
However, one small item please honour my request for

One final thing before I sign off, when you are puzzled as to how my friends and I can socialise by just eating a little food, sitting around and occasionally insulting each other, that in itself is a good time and we do not have to have an output at the end of it.

I write this letter as a response to your initial request. I hope, having read it, we understand each other a little bettter.

* Correction… Umm Yasmin informs us in the comments that Godblogger posts have been pulled into Dervish.  Hurrah!

Decorating
Regular visitor may have noticed I changed the theme of this blog. The photo is of Loch Lomond three years ago, taken with Mrs Moo. It was edited with GIMP.

On my laptop, I have installed Ubuntu 8.04 on my IBM thinkpad x31. Did not need any configuration whatsoever. Drivers, software and settings all through gui. It is lovely. I have dual booted it.

Open Source is good all round.

EcoIslam Issue 4

Featuring articles on:

* Reduce, Reuse, Recycle
* Waste Not Want Not
* Sacred Gifts of Saudi Arabia
* A Sanctuary For All Life
* Llewellyn of Arabia
* IFEES News & Events

There is an excellent picture of my hands on page 2.   Seriously, if you want to see the Hands of Moo, download the pdf here or visit ifees.org.uk for further info.

“What you do is enter a letter in the address bar of your browser, see which oft-visited site the browser suggests is, and then put that down as your choice site for that letter”

I have divided them up into geek and religious, and also, put in a few fillers. There is little explanation as I think most speak for themselves.  I didn’t realise how narrow my online browsing was… 

Unclejis directory

Browsers
Firefox Browser www.getfirefox.com | Opera browser www.opera.com | Safari www.apple.com/safari/ | Internet Explorer www.microsoft.com/windows/products/winfamily/ie/default.mspx |

Online auction:
Ebay www.ebay.com

Educational software
Edubuntu www.edubuntu.org

Torrent software
Azureus www.azureus.org | µTorrent: www.utorrent.com (windows only) |

Legal downloads
iTunes www.apple.com/iTunes (OS X, Windows only)

Operating systems:
OS X: www.apple.com/macosx | Ubuntu Linux: www.ubuntu.com | Windows: www.microsoft.com/windows/ |

Copyright:
Islamic Media Association www.islamma.com | Creative Commons www.creativecommons.org |

Personalisation:
| Igoogle: http://www.google.com/ig | MSN: http://my.msn.com | Netvibes: http://www.netvibes.com | Yahoo: http://my.yahoo.com |

I am a singer and people have been downloading my songs on the internet for free. What shall I do with these smooth criminals? Shall I tell them to beat it? Are there any other options?

Michael Jackson

Dear Brother Michael,

The internet is here to stay and it is unlikely this problem can be completely eradicated. One way is to join together with other like-minded producers of content to defend your creative output. It is only natural that if you create something, you don’t want others to profit from it unfairly.

This also affects Muslim organisations. The Islamic Media Association defends the copyright of producers of media.

Another way is to make your content ‘Creative Commons’, in other words allow people to use it and distribute it as long as they do not profit from it or change it. That way you retain some element of control.

Whichever route you choose Brother Michael, remember that people’s behaviour is not often black or white.

Uncleji

Dear Sir S.

The easiest way to keep yourself anonymous online is to use a secure browser and to disable cookies. For a secure browser I recommend Firefox, or even Opera. Go to the preferences menu and disable cookies. Thus, websites cannot track your personal details.

The other thing you can do is to set up a junk email, used whenever you need to register for a website. This will lessen the amount of spam (unwanted emails) you get.

Thirdly, if you are feeling especially ambitious, read up on the TOR network for an even more anonymised browsing experience.

Uncleji

General President Pervez Musharraf.

Dear Pervez,

You are right to seek a change of career. The geek shall inherit the earth, for we all know that knowledge is power. This is proved by the quiz show ‘Millionaire’ where contestants are asked a series of inane questions until the prize money increases to a magic million. However, it is the host, Chris Tarrant, who has made the most money.

In any gold rush, those that get really rich are those that sell spades and pans. In the new internet boom, it is the big companies who are benefiting the most. With the companies such as Microsoft, Google and Yahoo being valued in their billions, everyone wants a piece of the pakora. Compare this to my brother’s import/export business, which is valued around $12,000.

Where did these mind-boggling figures come from? Well, we are now in the era of a new internet bubble. General Musharraf, the simplest way is to get a killer idea, build a website and then get one of the big players to buy you out. This is what happened to YouTube. How about selling nuclear centrifuges over the internet? Alternatively you could invest in my brother’s firm, ’Socks from Sindh’, if you like?

Uncleji

Dear Uncleji, I am overloaded with information. I log on, and I have so many invites to facebook, deenport, hotmail, gmail, yahoo chat, cheap-muslim-brides.com. What do I do?

Fuad Nahdi

Dear Mr Fuad Nahdi,

It is not surprising you are feeling overwhelmed. When the internet started, it was exciting, and any of us could view potential brides around the world. Now, with “Web 2.0″ things have moved on. “Web 2.0″ is all about information – syndication, services and collaboration.

So what is the solution? Well, Uncleji recommends a collation site to get all that information on one page. You can use your existing Google, Yahoo or Hotmail account at iGoogle.com, my.yahoo.com, my.msn.com or Netvibes.com. These websites will collate everything for you. They have really handy widgets, so you can access most of your information in one place.

With regards to your temptation by sites like cheap-muslim-brides.com , then you need help that is beyond the scope of my abilities.

Uncleji

Dear Abu Amstrad,

Surely looking at adverts is part of your online research? Regardless, Uncleji is here to help, not to judge. If you use the Firefox browser with an extension called AdblockPlus, it will remove 90% of adverts that you encounter. Both are free to download.

If you regularly view a site that has elements you want to remove, Adblock will do this for you. Good luck in your research.

P.S. If you have space in your company for an apprentice, I have a nephew who is very shrewd. He too runs an international conglomerate from his bedroom.

Uncleji

Dear Brother Bill

First of all we need to look at what a computer is. A typical home or office computer consists of a base unit, keyboard, mouse and monitor. On top of this, you run an operating system. Linux, Windows Vista and Apple Mac OS X are all pretty advanced operating systems and will do the job well. Most PCs you buy will contain Windows Vista. It looks and feels fine for everyday use. However, the more creative may prefer the aesthetics of an Apple Mac. They are notoriously easy to use and do not get affected by viruses and crash the way Windows is prone to do.

New Apple Mac hardware can run the Windows operating systems as well as OS X, so you can choose which operating system to have.

Now, for everyday use, the user experience is identical in all three. Linux has funky 3d desktop effects and is becoming more polished. Hardware support is not that great however; many of your peripherals such as printers may need extra drivers. There are a variety of different versions of Linux. Uncleji recommends Ubuntu Linux.

PCs have a long history of gaming, so if you want to play games a PC is the best choice. For editing films and working with media, the Apple Macs have great tools for creativity. However, for the everyday user who wants to browse online, type letters, archive their digital photos and watch films, any of the operating systems mentioned above can do these.

As for getting a laptop or a desktop, why not get a laptop and buy an external monitor, mouse and keyboard? Thus, you will have the best of both worlds.

Good luck Brother Bill, and let us know how you get on.

Uncleji

Mrs Hubbard

Dear Mrs Hubbard,

Knowing that you are probably on a tight budget, has you thought about purchasing something suitable online? Sites like eBay are selling old consoles very cheaply. For example, the old style ‘Xbox’ consoles are going very cheap on eBay, an auction site. Ebay is quite simple to use, just enter what you want to find and bid for it. Be warned Mrs H, it can get quite addictive.

If you have an old computer and want to go down the educational route, why not try some educational software? A variant of Linux called Edubuntu can be installed on a relatively old PC. It contains many programs for children. Try it out on edubuntu.org

Uncleji

Satyajit Ray-ban

Dear Satyajit Ray-ban,

Most people are very naughty and download films illegally using software called BitTorrent, or other peer-to-peer software downloads. This means that instead of downloading from a website, it is downloaded from other users, making it much harder to control.

Recommended programmes for downloading torrents are Azureus, and µTorrent. To download the actual files you want,

Once this software is installed, you need to search for the ‘torrent files’ using a search engine such as Google. Be warned, not only are many of these torrent sites full of damaging spyware, many of the files are illegal.

A better way would be to use a legal service such as iTunes. Here, you can pay for films and watch them guilt free.

Uncleji