My favourite is below

India’s News Calligraphers Do It on Deadline

Ramadan song

Masterplan

All we know is that we don’t know
What is gonna be
Please brother let it be
Life on the other hand won’t let you understand
Why we’re all part of the masterplan

Return to innocence

That’s not the beginning of the end,
That’s a return to yourself.
The return to innocence.

Fragile

Perhaps this final act was meant
To clinch a lifetime’s argument
That nothing comes from violence
and nothing ever could
For all those born beneath an angry star
Lest we forget how fragile we are

Thanks to the wonder of the personal global intermesh webpipe portal known as youtube, I have been repeating the song ‘Father and Son’ to baby Moo. However, something has been troubling me deeply, and I feel for the sake of the ummah at large, and for the fans of Cat Stevens, I should bring it your attention.

In the song ‘Father and Son‘ there are the lines

Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.

Mrs Moo has a problem with these lines. I have a problem with these lines. Baby Moo, when he grows up, God willing, will also have a problem with these lines if he settles down with a girl without marrying her.

We are not backward people. Our IKEA furniture, Firefox browser and Arrested Development discs (the 90′s band and the recent television series) show we are quite sophisticated. However, we try to maintain ethical and moral standards. People are free to live their own lives as they see fit, but the idea of Baby Moo not having a nikah first is plain wrong.

Now, I know you wrote that in your own days of jahiliyyah, fair play. We still get pleasure from it. But, you recently sung it again with Ronan Keating. We saw it. We are not moaning fiqh-obsessives to point this out (though sunnipath, ask-imam and islam-qa all frown on non-nikah settling).

My dear brother-in-Islam, I have some suggestions.

1) Change the order of the words in the offending lines, with some judicious editing

Find a girl, you can marry
If you want, you can settle

however, we know that does not scan with the rest of the song.

2) Change one of the offending lines

Find a girl, settle down
If he wants, so can Prince Harry

3) Change the words in both lines

Find a house, settle down
If you want you can marry

Now brother Yusuf, I am no songwriter, but I think the last option has the best balance between keeping with the rhyme, metre and melody, whilst giving some much needed guidance to todays young. Allah knows the little deviants need it. In option 3, not only does it adhere to shariah rulings, but it also emphasise the importance of gettings ones foot on the property ladder. One can never start too soon.

All the best
Mr Moo

Recent attempts to define the nature of the jihadist threat that we are fighting against have fallen short of the mark. Muslims, as we are oft reminded, are a varied bunch. Todays freedom fighters and compliant friends are the rebels and pariahs of tomorrow.

However if one was to map this out it would undermine the numerous phd’s that are underway on this subject, putting many hours of research on wikipedia at risk. Here, for your elucidation, education and entertainment is the A to Z of Muslimists. We start of with the letters A-H today.
Affirmist – This group of Muslims requires celebrity endorsement of Islam, and find affirmation in famous converts, or almost converts. Lately Britney Spears, Princess Diana have been revealed to have almost converted to Islam. The most glittering prize for the affirmists is Michael Jackson, the perennial almost-convert. We love them because no matter what is happening in the world around them, the still get excited by any would-be Muslim.
Barelvist – Muslims who follow the Barelvi branch of the Indian subcontinental Hanafi school. They are very similair to the Deobandi school of thought, but differ in subtle but fundamental ways, the principle one being that they are NOT Deobandi. We love them because they love the Prophet.

Chemist – this fine profession is the career of choice for the hordes of failed doctors scattered through the UK, Europe, north America and Australia. In terms of being a security threat, the chemists are mostly harmless, as they are still reliving the torment of not getting the required A-Levels / SAT’s /Highers. They are derided by that tribe of treehuggers known as the Homeopatheticists. We love the chemists (and the homeopatheticists) because they give us pills, and pills make us better. C is also for Contortionist – these are highly trained media spokespeople for those Muslim organizations that engage in doublespeak and different messages for different people. When confronted with dubious comments, they can twist and turn in the most dextrous fashion, a true wonder to see. Famous contortionists include Dr Azzam Tamimi and his support for suicide bombers, and Ed Husain when confronted with the possibility that some jihadis may from a sufi background. We love them because its entertaining watching someone so singular in their views persist in the face of failure.
Deobandist – Muslims who follow the Deobandi branch of the Indian subcontinental Hanafi school. They are very similair to the Barelvi school of thought, but differ in subtle but fundamental ways, the principle one being that they are NOT Barelvi. We love them because they are sincere and they do try very hard to do the right thing.

Egotist – also known as ex-ist (those that were formerly something or other), adherents of the Egoism school, where the only criteria of making media appearances, giving talks, writing books, is that the sheer force of your own exuberant personality is the only value you can add. We love them because they show us we are all human after all.

Funambulist – (lit. tightrope walker) those muslims that have mastered the art of keeping both their spouse and their parents happy. The more extreme male funambulists are also polygamists, but this is quite a rare thing nowadays. We love the funambulists as its a difficult thing, the whole in-laws issue at the best of time, and props go out to those that have managed to do it well.
Guitarist – adherents to the ‘Guitarist’ school of thought, that people are best served by singing religiously inspired ballads to guitars. As well as Zain Bhika and Dawud Wharnsby, the most famous adherent is Yusuf, the artists formely known as Yusuf Islam, Formerly Cat Stevens. Most non-guitarists preferred his ‘Cat’ phase. We love the guitarists because they are full of love and joy, and I have met many of them personally and can vouch for their inherent cuddliness and loveliness.

Hijabist – men obsessed with putting hijabs on anything female, regardless of age, species or geographical location. Suprisingly, many of these hijabists leave their own hair uncovered, and chins clean shaven, and have a complex yet fluent legal breakdown as to why its important the womenses are covered, but men can do what they want. We love them because they remind us to lower our gaze first.

|  Mooslimists | Part 1: A-H | Part 2: I-N | Part 3: O-S | Part 4: T-W | Part 5: X-Z |

Recently though, something has happened… nasheeds have become different. I am not saying they are better, just different. And Sami Yusuf released a single that was not half bad (though the caveat here is that he avoided English). Anyways, I should not go on about Sami like that as he is in person a jolly decent fellow and does a lot for charity.

So here follows a list of links of various Muslim music and nasheeds and suchlike. My university friends would consider all of them rubbish, but I guess like books, clothing, food, politics and film, its all a matter of personal taste. Anyways, this is what the kids are into, I’ve divided the following arbitrarily chosen links into nasheeds (traditional arrangements) followed ‘songs by Muslims’.

Nasheeds:

Sami Yusuf – Asma Allah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_Zt7TDNICI

Seven 8 Six (786) – Tajdar-E-Haram (Urdu qawalli)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Lf-SVfHukQ

Songs by Muslims

Dawud Wharnsby – Midnight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQavjtpYEkk

Outlandish – Look into my eyes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3P12aqVeZkQ

Yusuf – (Cat Stevens) – Heaven/Where True Love Goes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZM9zKyDz4ko

Kareem Salama - A Land called paradise
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbcmPe0z3Sc

Oh what the hooey, I like the last video so much, I tried embedding it but it mashed up the stylesheet.