• * Whenever the opportunity presents itself, eat mince pies, dawah works both ways, and most mince pies are now suitable for vegetablarians.  Just to clarify, mince pies are fruit pies and not kheema pies (though come to think of it, kheema pies sound like a very good idea).

• * When carol singers come, why not give them your ‘foreign’ currency.  We are sure they will appreciate the dirhams, riyals, rupees and dollars you have collected on your travels.  The nice carol singers will be too busy ding-dong-merrily-on-highing to notice.

• *Explain to children that we are different, and our lack of jolliness is due to eschatological and ecumenical schisms.  Use those exact words.  When your little ones look puzzled, explain how both Christians and Muslims believe that Jesus will come back, and based on current trends, it looks like we will be having some fisticuffs over who lays claim to him.  When your children look even more puzzled, point to the weather outside to change the subject

• *Muslims may not celebrate Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, but we firmly believe in Boxing Day.  The lure of wanton abandonment of decorum during holiday sales will appease those who accuse Muslims of not integrating.  We will be there, at the front of the queue, in our hijabs and beards and irritating sobriety, and join the rest of the UK in it paean to the UK Retail Shedding-Of-The-Skin

• *On Christmas Day itself, most of the shops are shut.  Why not use the extra time to set up a local bartering system with your Muslim friends.  A word of warning though, the swopping of children should only be done with mutual consent and appropriate legal advice being undertaken.

• *Those that have extended families who are celebrating Christmas, and are joining in with the family dinner, transfer your feelings of guilt by asking for really odd requests and pretend it is to do with religious requirements.  Just make stuff up.  For example,
  • -Ask that no yellow coloured foods are touching green coloured foods
  • -Ask that all vegetable are washed three times in metal containers
  • -Ask that no pork, alcohol or giraffe meat be present.  Make a point about mentioning the giraffe meat.  Have a slightly wild-eyed look in your eyes when talking about this
  • -Ask all female members of the household who are not Muslim, to wash their index fingers.

Remember to improvise.  This time comes once a year, so make it special

Today in the UK it is Mother’s Day,others around the world celebrate it on different days (see wikipedia entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothers_day)

I saw on a forum someone asking what the Islamic ruling was on Mother’s Day. Now, not being a scholar, I don’t want to comment on the fiqh (despite the title of post, that was just to lure you in). Instead, the following train of thought occurred.

Scenario 1: You celebrate Mother’s Day, are happy to, and thus your Mother is happy.

Scenario 2: You celebrate Mother’s Day in a clandestine fashion, and the air of guilt tempers any pleasure gained from honouring your Mother (heaven lies under her feet….)

Scenario 3: Mother’s Day is an innovation, and you have no need as every day is Mother’s Day.

I occurred to me the least satisfactory of these positions is Scenario 2. If I wanted to celebrate Mother’s Day, I would do it properly, with happiness and joy (hopefully).

If you follow Scenario 3, well, have a good day being generically good (without any change for today) to your Mother. I suspect you are not known for your jolly temperament, but that is just speculation on my part.

On a final note, will the grammer police (sic) please observe I have tried my best with the apostrophe thing in this post, and to take this into consideration when reporting future and past transgressions.

There is a lack of alternative activities for Muslim teenagers, especially the young men.  I know some families who are from a very sheltered background – meaning they are not allowed out to see friends and friends are not allowed home.  Everything is supervised and surprise surprise, as soon as they have internet access, it is straight onto youtube to watch 50 Cents and whatever the latest ‘bad’ thing is (though surprisingly Tupac is still popular).

Now I could talk about that film project for young men, from An-nisa society, I could talk about Muslim scouts, and other islands of hope in an ocean of chaos.  But I realise as adults, the tide is against us.  The children are outnumbering us, and one day, like in those zombie films, they will take over.  We must prepare.  Seriously, I am not talking from a spiritual level I am talking from a practical train-yourself-up perspective. Time to hit the gym, its only a few days before Ramadhan.

Important resources:

How to win a fight against twenty children. (Warning.. contains swearing)
http://www.cracked.com/blog/2008/08/19/how-to-win-a-fight-against-twenty-children/

Guide: How many five year olds can you take on in a fight? (this is more halal)
http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/

I know these are more about littler children, but one can never start too young.