September 1st 2008
Thousands gathered outside Birmingham Fruit and Vegetable Market in Digbeth, to express disappointment at the united Ramadhan that is taking place today across the UK. Organised by the Muslim umbrella group “Muslim Umbrella Groups (MUGS)”, the protesters waved placards and chanted slogans.
“This was the one opportunity we had to avoid our families” said Mullah Charles Balasubramaniamnarasimharao, spokesperson for the group. “Every year we conveniently switch madhabs or geographical sightings, all so we don’t have to consume the dreaded first iftar with our mothers watching. This year, the mosque committes have let us down by starting Ramadhan on the same day”
The threat to UK PLC was also highlighted . Many Muslims take advantage of public ignorance of Islam to take many days off and state increasingly outlandish needs for their religious observance in the workplace. “I wanted four days off and my employers had provided a halal rhino to polish, and some DVD’s of Panda Wrestling as per my request, but this kind of unity makes it much harder for me to get away with Hoodwinking My Kuffar Boss”
Some Ulema themselves were unhappy with the outcome. “We usually take this opportunity to snipe at our sectarian opposites” said Imam Bruce Abdullah, Senior Lecturer in Islamic Taxidermy at Loughborough University, “but this year, we have to muddle along together. Hopefully, Eid will be on different days and the natural order will be restored. This current state is a disaster, it is worse than the ‘Mars Bars are not Medicine fatwa of 1976′”.
Gordon Brown was unavailable for comment.
*******notes to editors*******
MUGS is a Muslim Umbrella Group dedicated to the furthering of its own objectives. Their website will be launched soon at http://www.mugsuk.org (there is nothing there at the moment, trust us).
Imam Bruce is the foremost expert on Islamic Taxidermy alive. His interest stems from a traumatic Islamophic tirade against a fellow Muslim on local radio, where the entire panel were told to ‘get stuffed’. Following therapy, Imam Bruce discovered how his fondness for dead furry animals could benefit the ummah at large.
