Mr Moo

Halal-Meatarians

with 7 comments

There is a BBC article “The rise of the non-veggie vegetarian” that discusses the more nuanced classification of almost-vegetarians

Classic vegetarian: Eats no part of any dead animal
Vegan: Eats no animal product
Meat-avoider: Tries not to to eat meat but has occasional lapses
Meat-reducer: Is trying to eat less meat, probably for health reasons
Green eater: Avoids meat because of environmental impact

We at Mooslim.com realised this was not enough for our Muslim brethren and sistren*.  What follows are further definitions, for your education and entertainment.

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Loc-halal-ivore – eats only halal meat from their local shop.  Often, this is because they know the uncle, he is a nice man, and they don’t know any other butchers.

Botivore - will only eat neatly chopped cubes of boneless meat, or kebabs.  No bones, brains, offal, anything shaped like it was a bit of an animal

Haich-em-ceelian
only eats HMC** approved meat.

Kullu-halalwala
Eats McDonalds, KFC, Burger King, actually, anything that is not pork.  The logic here is that all is halal, and as the UK is a Christian country, the food is of people of the book***.

Meatarian – only meat is food, everything else is garnish

Middleclassangstivore – Eat only local halal organic happy animals.  Imagine the nice forest in Bambi, where chicken, lamb and cows who, having lived a fruitful life play with each other all day long, whilst a nice farmer comes along and massages the little animals by hand.  Then, in a spontaneous act of bliss, the cutey animals happily and willingly plunge their necks onto the knife, knowing their Soil-Association approved carcass will be made into a nice middle class roast.

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* Sistren is a word.  You should use it all the time.

** Halal Meat Committee

*** iMuslim and fikrpad have a pretty in-depth fiqh-based look at conditions of slaughter, if that is your thing have a look.

7 Responses to 'Halal-Meatarians'

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1. Ah, my wife will be thrilled when I tell her she’s Middle Class.

   

   elBowes

   10 Nov 09 at 7:05 am
2. Seriously ‘Laughing out Loud’. Great stuff, we need more articles like this

   

   Shirley Dockerill

   10 Nov 09 at 9:30 am
3. lol @ botivore and meatarian. I think I know a few of those.

   

   mummyjaan

   14 Nov 09 at 12:34 pm
4. As-Salaamu ‘alaikum,

   Seriously, I won’t eat a lot of offal, particularly brains. That particular avenue of pleasure has been closed off (to quote John Cleese) since the Mad Cow outbreak.

   

   Yusuf Smith

   17 Nov 09 at 9:03 am
5. apparently I am a botivore. Etymology, please. I thought I was just squeamish about kidneys and spleens and stuff.

   

   Umm al-Ma'arik

   18 Nov 09 at 6:26 pm
6. My dad is a meatarian rotivore, where only roti + boti = food and anything else is just a snack. See also ‘rice-ivore’.

   

   Minaretmuse

   23 Nov 09 at 10:48 pm
7. Ithink i am a Papa-halal-ivore…whatever papa says is halal is halal….sadly he approves when he buys teh meat himself…

   

   gulshan

   2 Dec 09 at 2:57 pm

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